im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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