Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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