Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Found your dick twin last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to make out with him forever
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
