the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
