I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
