I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
