Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
