oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
