Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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