is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
