TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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