yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
