my phone needs a breathalizer
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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