HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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