I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
