I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
