If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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