Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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