just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
