I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
