Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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