hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
