I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
