In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
