that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
