You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
