Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
