What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
