paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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