...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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