just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
