I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish there were birth control emojis
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
