He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
