i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
