I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
