Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
