she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Damn victory sex feels great
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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