We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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