Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
