It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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