he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
