dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
