Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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