I puked a lego.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
