I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
