the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
