Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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