Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
