All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
