porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
