She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
