I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
