remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
